Hi. I'm Lola and I'm an addict.

Today my heart is heavy. 

A young man took his life and he used drugs to do it. 

My brothers used to be addicted to drugs. 

As for me,

I'm addicted to this sad feeling, because I am constantly convincing myself I don't deserve to be happy. 

I'm addicted to the past and I can't quite kick it.

I'm addicted to you and the idea that one day you will love me the way I have loved you all these years. 

I'm addicted to eating even when I'm not hungry.

I'm addicted to beautiful words. Words that give hope, but also the ones that tear your chest open and punch your heart. They hurt like hell, but those words make me feel alive.

I'm addicted to the way my heart feels when little kids say "I love you."

I'm addicted to punctuation. I constantly overdose. 

I can't seem to survive without my planner and making lists in it so I guess you could say that is an addiction. 

I'm addicted to soaking the day away in an overwhelmingly hot bath. 

Only by God's grace am I addicted to the idea that one day  I can do something special and maybe I can help someone in this world. 

I was sober about a year from my writing addiction but  I've relapsed and I've never felt so free. 

Words are my drug and I'm excited to be using again. 

Lola.