Here I am.

I am up really late again. 

Now this time wasn't my fault. It first began with a test. 

Then the tears and pleading. 

"Get out or take the test." 

"Please, I promise I'm clean. Nothing's gonna show up."

She can't and won't believe him no matter what he says anymore. Most times I think it's the PTSD speaking and the fact that his small slip-ups in sobriety really make you feel like you are going to vomit. 

I still have faith in him. I believe people can and do change. He's my own brother, of course I have faith in him. Even when he disappoints me. 

You're older than me, and sometime I feel more mature. 

You haven't always been there for me, and that's something you can't take back. 

You've never always been someone I could talk to, but now I feel like I can no matter what state you're in. 

You're changing now. You're trying to be a better man. I am proud of who you are becoming. 

He still didn't take the test, hopefully the results are clean in the morning.. 

Lola.