Bye.

I feel like you should know some things about me before I go. 

So here goes nothing. 

Hi, 

I love movies. 

I have gotten stuck in the snow twice this winter. 

I am not really good at anything, I'm subpar at most things. 

I don't want to leave Paris. 

I always sleep with 2 pillows. 

I love hiking and camping. Thank heavens the canyon isn't far away. I can breathe again when I go up there. 

I hate people that constantly feel the need to contradict everything anyone says. 

I have needed glasses since 2nd grade. I failed the stupid eye check test with the "E" and you have to say which direction it's going. I got every single one wrong.

I wish I could speak French. 

I don't want to leave Paris. 

I haven't kissed anyone yet. 

I love concerts. 

I don't eat vegetables that often. 

I used to run track and play softball. 

I don't know how to feel about religion. 

I believe 100% that bad things happen to good people. 

I don't want to leave Paris. 

I don't know what else to say, 

But IDK man, I just want pizza.

Lola.  

Confessions of a teenage drama queen.

Disclaimer: this has nothing to do with the Lindsay Lohan movie. Sorry. 

I'm just need to say all these things: 

-I have a crush on a boy in my choir class, but I'm never going to tell anyone who. 

-I love my friends a lot. 

-If I had to eat one thing for the rest of my life, it would be biscuits and gray. 

-My weaknesses when it comes to the male species are beards and musical inclination. 

-Also, a fit bum. SRYNOTSRY. 

-I have this reaccuring dream that I am falling off a cliff and then right before I hit the ground, I wake up. 

-I think Lauren Coulter is the kindest person. 

-I want to move somewhere far away, but I want to bring all the people I love with me. 

-I have this constant fear that I have diabetes. 

-I am the most ticklish behind my knees.

Anyways. You didn't need to know any of that. I just wanted to say it. 

Lola. 

Remember.

I remember playing in my dads old room. I remember the way my grandparents old house smelled musty & like and old people. 

I remember the the holes in the walls cause you got mad again. 

I remember listening to James Taylor on road trips. 

I remember all of your old girlfriends and the scary mermaid tattoo. 

I remember the way I took care of my hair  on the day of school pictures in 2nd grade. 

I remember the yellow dress I wore on the first day of 8th grade. 

I remember when dad lost his job. 

I remember the first time I heard my brother swear. 

I remember when I broke my arm. 

I remember grandma's piano.

I remember the first time I failed a test. 

I remember all of my history teachers.  

I remember when I sang a duet and accidentally coughed in the microphone. 

I remember when we almost moved. 

I have a love/hate relationship with being nastolgic. 

Happy.

Something great just happened to me.

I looked up to the sky and found so much hope.

The sky told me something that took so much courage. You are very brave sky... I look up to you. 

Even on the dark rainy days, you are beautiful. 

You don't know this yet, but you reminded me I need to do something brave. I am weak and need to become strong. I am tired of being frail and terrified. I think I am strong, but I am not even close.. 

You smile when it's hard. You are kind when it's not easy. You care so much. You are strong sky.. 

I hope one day I can be as brave as you.

Thank you sky. 

Lola. 

Too many ifs, ands, and butts.

Lola. 

Here I am.

I am up really late again. 

Now this time wasn't my fault. It first began with a test. 

Then the tears and pleading. 

"Get out or take the test." 

"Please, I promise I'm clean. Nothing's gonna show up."

She can't and won't believe him no matter what he says anymore. Most times I think it's the PTSD speaking and the fact that his small slip-ups in sobriety really make you feel like you are going to vomit. 

I still have faith in him. I believe people can and do change. He's my own brother, of course I have faith in him. Even when he disappoints me. 

You're older than me, and sometime I feel more mature. 

You haven't always been there for me, and that's something you can't take back. 

You've never always been someone I could talk to, but now I feel like I can no matter what state you're in. 

You're changing now. You're trying to be a better man. I am proud of who you are becoming. 

He still didn't take the test, hopefully the results are clean in the morning.. 

Lola.

This is how you stay up till 12:22 AM:

You must first start off with the desire to complete nothing during the course of your day. 

After you find the desire, you must play candy crush for an embarrassing amount of time. 

Then, you take a 2 hour nap. You will next be woken up by your sister telling you it's time for dinner. You will proceed to eat dinner with your family and fake how much you enjoyed church. Next, you will clean the kitchen. 

After the kitchen is clean you will tell yourself everything that needs to be done. (Ex. Homework, laundry, online classes.) Once you know exactly what you need to do to be productive, you throw that list straight into the paper shredder.

Immediately after that, you must go lay down and check your Instagram, twitter, and Facebook. Maybe if you are feeling adventurous you can snap chat some people. It's totally up to you. 

Once that is completed you will watch the Food Network for 3 hours and not even feel bad about it. 

Finally, you decide it's probably time for bed, so you venture down to your bed and end up reading creative writing blogs for an hour. You read so many blogs you forget to write on your own. So that's why you are up at 12:22 AM.

Lola